Aneirin Karadog


You threw it all away, like a carcass to the dogs. Our entwined life became

putrid in its routine as we’d become slaves to an idyllic life, a detached

house hidden from the front gate with a winding driveway that only my

genius in the court of law could buy. And all the while you just stare

straight through me while I rant each time... I’ll see you soon.


Another Tuesday morning, another rancid song by the crows as they

marshal the pine trees that surround our home, another cup of my

beloved earl-gray, half a sugar to take away the edge. As I stumble out

of bed and drag myself to the shower I notice you’ve once more darned

my socks and pressed my trousers as flat as Belgium. That horrible

straightjacket of a shirt is hanging from the door, expecting me. The most

successful barrister to have managed to escape the Rhondda, and Wales,

thankfully! The fastest brain in the West that can outwit a criminal with

the blink of an eye. An upholder of justice and morals, the thread in the

system’s seams.


The thread in our seams had long worn out, no longer able to hold

anything together and our shower curtain has seen better days too. I

don’t want to get out, the rush of steaming water down my back and

the spray hugging my skin is where I want to stay, for as long as the

heavens can allow, anything but having to move on, get dried, discard

that temporary Eden and get downstairs to crunch on my bowl of fruit

and fibre, the thin bland texture of skimmed milk conspires with the

dull colours in my bowl to drive me crazy with boredom. Just a taste of

dullness to prepare me for the rest of the day’s dullness.


Having suffered enough of your banal ramblings about the dreadful

amount of dusting that awaits you, your tiresome shopping trips for my

favourite food and of course ironing my straightjacket and socks, ready

for tomorrow’s full day of the usual pig ignorance and bone headedness

of various louts, vandals and petty thieves who can barely pronounce

their names, let alone convince a jury that they deserve nothing more

than a nice holiday in Jail, I realise that any jail would be better than my

life. A life sentence filled with torture by conversation... You straighten my

tie having slipped my coat on my broad shoulders. Your gleaming smile

freezes time as you reach up and kiss my lips, bringing back the bliss of

our first Kiss, and even the many more that ensued in our early years,

before you put on the ring and routine quickly turned to madness. What

a waste of my money! On that souring note accompanied by a choir of

crows that screech disparagingly at me, I drive off down our meandering

driveway, feeling at ease and as one with my black BMW, ready to serve



I’ll be fine if you let me out, show me a hole in a hedge or give me pliers

to cut through this fence, this brightness that never leaves me alone, even

at night, these white, bouncy walls that don’t know when to shut up. It’s

disgraceful, me and my bed should be allowed to converse in total privacy

without the sneering walls casting remarks on all our business. A prison

guard allows his cellmates to talk intimately every so often, why won’t

these damn walls do the same?


It’s a typical Thursday, much like yesterday, and bearing an uncanny

resemblance to Tuesday’s mind numbing rhythm. Your kiss to my lips

revolts me as it mostly does before I drive off to the sound of crows ruining

the news headlines on my radio. More young lay abouts to sort out.


But today is different, from the moment I set my eyes on her. My new

secretary, Naomi. I undress her with my eyes and get so aroused as

I stare deeply into her eyes, swallowing my spit as my mouth starts

watering at the sight of her tall long legs in black tights leading all the way

to her breasts that can be seen at an angle as her button is undone.

“Hi, I’m Naomi, its my first day, is this my desk? Would you like a coffee?

Sorry, I get nervous quite easily, I don’t want to disappoint you Mr


“Call me Dan, it’s Daniel Wilkins, but Dan will do fine, I like my staff to

feel at ease, that’s how work gets done isn’t it. I need my P.A. to be at her

best, or injustices could occur as a result! But I’m sure that won’t be the

case at all with a young and talented woman like you at my side, would

you like me to show you around the courts?”


Naomi smiles obligingly, of course she wants to be shown around, she

can’t resist you, you know that, she’s the girl of your dreams, your ticket

to freedom, a way out of your rotting marriage. Hold on here! I’ve only just

met her, why am I thinking like this, she’s so sexy, that’s why I’m thinking

like this. We get the lift and go up to the main courtroom, it’s early yet,

and sessions don’t start until 10:30 on a Thursday. As the lift doors close

we both turn away from each other and gaze at the walls, then as our

eyes wander we connect and you make me melt inside, the lust bites

away at my muscles and flows through my veins.


What do you know about our marriage? We were inseparable, destined

to grow old like a fine red claret, awaiting consumption by time and its

eventualities. You walls know nothing about me, the memories that are

bricks in the minds’ walls, holding my home together. I remember the

nights when... I do, I swear I remember, we used to cuddle up... what do

you mean am I sure, of course I am, I remember like it was yesterday...


God I want you Naomi, is the only phrase that rings in my mind, the next

thing she seems to agree as her tongue liven my senses and feels great

pushed passionately against mine, our lips moving in harmony as our

hands become possessed by a greater force, a desire to reach nirvana

and scream blissfully to an orgasmic chant... The lift bell rings, we’re

already on the fifth floor, where the Main court room awaits our visit. We

jump apart and straighten ourselves out, frustrated and flustered, there’s

no one waiting in the corridor, but we still feel exposed. I suggest we go

the courtroom, Naomi smiles innocently and follows my lead.


Once inside, the room is so empty we can here each other’s heart

throbbing, I start to explain the court procedures at the beginning of each

case and so fourth, explaining in quite some detail how a jury I selected

from an initial 15 that stand to the court, with three getting randomly sent

back to the waiting room where fags are smoked and friendships are

made, between a read of last weeks edition of Hunting Lifestyle... All the

while Naomi just stares at me, undressing me with her piercing eyes on

my own stomping ground, where I command such respect and authority.

And nothing has changed today either. Whimsically I order Naomi to take

her clothes off. Surprised, yet excited, Naomi wriggles her hips whilst

reaching to the back of her skirt and clip, it falls to the floor and her bra

and blouse quickly follow as she stands in her tights in front of me. I pick

her up and carry her to the Judge’s seat, I proceed to rip her tights and

gasp at her beauty as our pleasure becomes mutual and grows to ecstasy

as we connect and collide like a two suns in one union of energy, on the

Judge’s seat. The juices flow as we get loud, way too loud for my liking,

but this lust has a grip of me like a constrictor snake that has the strength

of the ten fierce Welsh dragons, Naomi bites her lips and digs her nails

into my shoulders, her screaming increases...

“Oh Lord, this is appalling... Mr Wilkins, is that you? Oh dear me, it is

you, well I... what the hell is going on? Are you insane? It’s shameful and

disgusting, you of all people Mr Wilkins, and who is this slut then?!”


Fred. Fred the cleaner, a fifty-something bachelor, the queen of queens,

a man very much in touch with his feminine side shall we say, though

that doesn’t matter, but I’ve never seen him so angry ever before, he’s

even sounding quite manly if I may say so, he has certainly taken me by

surprise, I’m sure the feelings are mutual. How the mind wanders in a

moment like this. My embarassment is total. Naomi has by now run of to

kneel down and hide in the dock, crying. I could easily cry right now.


Ever present, smarmy and snide. Belittling the smallest of my

achievements. Four walls like bullies surrounding me, pushing me back

and forth, left to right, bumping my bones until I don’t know where I’m

being pushed and laughing all the while. That surrounding whiteness

eating away at me as the walls deafen me with their tortuous laughter.

Even the night’s darkness fails to dim the brightness of these walls. They

blind me and deafen my ears and burn my body as I itch in my bed, tied

and lonely, tickled to a frenzy by these conspiring walls...


Fred runs out and I go into a frenzy, running stark naked in all my glory

across the court room to collect my shoes and socks as I struggle to

put the rest of my clothes on, my shirt tangles round my torso and half

covering my face, resembling that dreaded straight jacked more than ever,

just as Lord Anthony Q.C. enters the room and gazes in astonishment at

talents of mine he hasn’t previously seen on display...


“Daniel” whispered Lisa...

Oh, so now you are willing to talk are you? The mention of my pride and

glory finally too much for you to resist, come on let’s have a quickie right

here, like in the old days.

“Daniel” Lisa said more forcefully this time “Daniel, I want a divorce, I’ve

met a man, his name is Diego, he’s my Spanish teacher at night school.”

“Night school? Spanish? Diego?! Since when?!”

“It doesn’t matter, you’ll never see him anyway, we’re moving to Spain,

we’re going to buy a house in Oviedo, it’s a lovely city, we’re going to start

a language school once I am qualified to teach English... Daniel?”

“Visiting time is now over, will all visitors please make their way out. See

you soon I’m sure”, said a provocative voice from the loudspeakers.


“Daniel, I’ve got to go, I’ll be back soon so we can do the necessary

arrangem... ents... Bye Dan” and Lisa trotted off and turned for one last

look at what used to be her tower of strength, now being led lifelessly by

a pair of guards in heavenly white towards the growing queue of patients

that awaited their medication, half of them barely able to walk let alone

swallow a pill, the poor lobotomized souls...


I just gazed. The void was pleasing. Anything was pleasing compared to

that soft white cell, the leather bed straps, the plastic sheets, the talking